Parents who should not be the ones teaching thier children about Sex

Credits: mlorton@lobo.civetsystems.com

Compare this to the quotes from parents who should not be the ones teaching thier children about sex:

1. The Repressed Coward: "I will not teach my innocent little darlings about sex. Thier ears are too delicate for such words to touch them. . .and don't talke to me about it either.
2. The Language Coward: "Ok, son, let me tell you how you got here. Mommy and Daddy love each other very much. Now, the Daddy. . . (three hours later) . . .now, imagine a tree, and someone wants to climb the tree, but when they do, they knock the acorns off. . .(three hours later) When I was young, we didn't have color television, well we did after Uncle Larry and Aunt Patty did, but that was before FOX. (three hours later) Once upon a time, there was a wolf in a trenchcoat. (three hours later) Son: Dad, are we talking about sex.
3. The Traditionalist Sexist: "I will teach my son to be manly and force himself upon women. I will teach my daughter to have no opions on sex and to have as many children as I tell her to."
4. The Bigot: "I'll teach my children to be straight, and to hate anyone who isn't. What? What do you mean my kid might be gay, that's ridiculous, I'll blowing your beeping head off, you beep I'll tear out your beep and beep beep them, you beep-a-beep-beep. "
5. The Bible Bigot: "Now, dear, here's a four-page list of things that our loving God will strike you down for in regards to sex. Sorry the print's so small."
6. The Bible Coward: "Open your Bibles to Song Of Solomon Chapter 1. . ."
7. The I-Regret-My-Past-Part 1: "OK, now here's a four page list of things I did that you shouldn't do. . . sorry the prin't so small."
8. The I-Regret-My-Past-Part 2: "You'll start to notice people in your class. . .like I remember Christina Lanzverstrapple. . .I remember I asked to borrow a pencil once, but I never talked to her. . .sob now she's married sob to Mike Smervatski. . .(sob sob sob sob)" "Dad, are we talking about sex?"
9. The Secret Agent Breifing: "Now, listen up and listen well, I will give you a series of instructions and facts presented on a need to know basis, you will not ask for further information, nor comment on what is presented, nor may you ask questions all will be provided on a need-to-know basis. Now, lets make this as painless as possible for me, Mr. Bond.
10. The Paranoid: Sex ed causes promiscuity! Smoke detectors cause fire! Seat belts cause auto-accidents! Learning the Heimlich Maneuver makes people choke! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh!
11. Hurried Suburbanite: (carrying in a 455 page hardcover book "Human Sexuality" from the Library) (Runs past and thumps it on the floor in front of daughter.) "Here you go, honey, this should answer your questions, I have to leave, I'm going to a meeting for Concerned Republicans And Parents, we're discussion how horrible all those people in the city are for having children they don't spend time with." "But Mommy!" "No, I gotta run, because on the way I have to pick your father's No-Doz, my valium, and make some photocopies for the national Bake Sale Against Drugs." "But Mommy!" "No listen, I gotta go, I have to pick your brother up from soccer, your sister up from ballet, your other sister up from Bible Study, and your other brother up from therepy." "But Mommy!" "No, wait, gotta go, I gotta put gas in the car, pick up some coffee on the way, and buy that new book on Oprah's list. . .oh and don't visit the new neighbors, I think the mother may work outside of hte home. THere's soem mac and cheese for you to microwave for dinner. I love you, bye" (Door Slams) "But Mommy! You just dropped the book ON FLUFFY!!!!!!!!!!"

For these eleven reasons and more, we need sex ed in schools.

This has been your daily humor with a message from Pentalarc, all-round cynic and commentator.

Credits: Ambrose Pierce (glaube ich), Quelle: Linux Fortunes